PeeTSD

I’m really fortunate. There are so many symptoms that come with MS but I have pretty few. The one we all seem to have and struggle with is fatigue, but there’s quite a melting pot of other ailments that a lot of us MS-ers have. There are quite a wide range of symptoms and a fairly common one is bladder issues. 

80% of people with MS can experience bladder issues. This can include overactive bladder (increased urgency and frequency), urinary retention (having trouble initiating flow), and of course the dreaded UTI. Urinary tract infections are awful and annoying at the best of times, but for people with MS, UTI’s also bring the fear of worsening MS symptoms and/or a relapse. 

I’ve experienced mild bladder issues, but in general they haven’t lasted a long time (I’m talking weeks, perhaps a few months). Some of them I’ve even questioned if what I’m experiencing is MS related, or an age thing. I have to go all the time, but I feel like in many ways (pee frequency included) I take after my mom. Is my tireless tinkling a hereditary thing?

Usually, this constant urinating thing is a non-issue. I can find a toilet anywhere that I’m out—in stores, auditoriums, playgrounds, malls, restaurants. I’m not shy to ask where the restroom is; if all that’s available is a port-a-potty, well, that’s where I’m headed. 

Tonight, Jay (my boyfriend) and I decided to go out for supper at a new restaurant that recently opened up in our town and isn’t far from where we live (within walking distance, if my walking wasn’t MS affected). It was a nice time. Good food, good drinks, and a relaxed ambiance. 

We were coming to the end of the meal, we’d paid our tab, and I had boxed up some leftovers. Just before we are about to leave, I say, “Are we going straight home or is there somewhere you want to stop first? Because I have to pee, if we’re going straight home, I’ll wait, but if you need to go somewhere, I’ll go here.” He said we were going home, so I made the poor decision to wait (foreshadowing, can you see it?).

On the drive home Jay decides he’s in the mood for another drink and wants to stop at the liquor store, and also wants to go get ice cream. I tell him I absolutely cannot hold it that long and that he would have to drop me off at home and go for these things himself; he agrees. He’s probably internally rolling his eyes as he’s familiar with my tiny bladder, but I really don’t care at this point, I’m preoccupied with dreaming of my bathroom. 

He drops me off and drives away as I limp (poor walking due to MS, remember?) up to our front door. I get to the door, go to pull out my keys and…What. The. Hell. The keys aren’t in the pocket that they ARE ALWAYS IN. This makes no sense, I didn’t take them out, are they in another pocket? Did they fall out in the closet my purse was in, at the restaurant maybe? THEY’RE NOT HERE. 

I literally sit down on my front step because I can cross my legs better that way and think what to do. I walk around to the back gate to let myself in and literally a few dribbles of pee start running down my leg. I’ve peed my pants. I’VE PEED MY PANTS. But I still have to go so bad. I go into the back yard, turn on the hose to make the noise of water running and drop my damp shorts and underwear and I just pee. Like, a full pee. A really long pee that if you were on the toilet you’d think “wow, I really had to go”. I was hidden from the neighbour on one side, and I’m pretty sure that if the other neighbour was really looking through the cracks in the fence, they’d have seen my lily-white ass, but I’m very sure they weren’t outside at that point. 

I proceed to a plastic (and so easily wipeable) patio chair and sit to wait for Jay to come home, contemplating what I’ve just done. When you have MS, you have to take the wins where you can find them. I’m a bit ashamed that I just pissed in my back yard, but I had to go. Despite the awful mission, I would call it a success. I’m confident I wasn’t seen, my bladder is empty and I ran the garden hose for ages to dilute the pee. 

I’m counting it as a win, even though I think the experience left me with peeTSD.